if_ckup

Fri, 10 Mar 2006 23:06:52 GMT

I'm up bright and early! Odd I feel considering I slept on the sofa til 5:45 then got to my bed before deciding I am very much awake. I have also eaten a whole bag of Jaffas...I believe they were open on the table when I got home. Whether I have earased the memory of opening them myself last night is debatable.

Why the hell did I put the Smiths on? How the hell is that the most appropriate music haha though I was thinking about 90's music on like...a weekday. And anyway, yeah i've been listening to the old triple J hottest one hundred compilations. Omigod! I thought I was bleading but it is the red from the Jaffas that was so scary - I hate bleeding and it not hurting. Haha this cd has Frente's cover of New Order on it. That is so 90s.

Hmm I better replace this bag of Jaffas.

Subjects covered last night by my 'enlightened' self:
- Spray shower cleaners that require no scrubbing are made out of liquid asbestos and teflon.
- The only way I can remember thoughts is by wrapping the thought repeatedly in the same thought into a ball of mind-yarn
- Mr Brightside may or may not have inspired a brief impromptu musical within my imagination

Okay, I have an overwhelming urge to do the dishes.

Don't tell Kirsty I left a block of cheese out on the bench the whole night.

OH! This is a girl who went to my highschools porn-ish site: http://www.laexotique.com/ (Am I allowed to put this up Kara?)

Dishes. Yes. Right.

EVERYBODY! Everybody in the house of love! ONE LOVE!

Wed, 08 Mar 2006 09:13:54 GMT

There was a man at the bus stop who looked like a member of East 17. He smelled like sour vomit and looked like he had no place to go - so he very well may have been an actual member of East 17 - i'm not sure.

In other news, gaylords run rampant through out my life. You know...I honestly think one day that may make Today Tonight's lead story...

I want to change out of one of my units at Unicycle...because it is boring and everyone in my tute is a turd...that's right - a turd. I have a long list of offensive things I may or may not have said and/or done...all of them are quite funny though...like yesterday, I was calling one groups presentation thingo universal and easily recognisable but may have ended up calling it undefined and broad, I don't remember if I intended it as a backhanded compliment...it came out more as an eye-gouging observation. Oh well...

Look at this sweet potato!

This is a photo sequence of Kirsty shouting at the staff at Halo:

Hands up if you love camera phones!

Mon, 27 Feb 2006 07:45:02 GMT

This morning I was getting dressed to Music To Watch Girls By. At some point during naked hair prep phase 1, I got the odd feeling of making a faux pas in regards to my ettiquette. I suddenly felt that Perry Como was perhaps not intending naked hair styling to be the activity of choice during 'Magic Moments'.

I got another one of those television surveys in the mail today. I think they are from Channel 7...you get to assign a number for how much you like someone...number 138 is Rove...number 139 is Jon English...comparitively, I really like Jon English...maybe if I say I really like Jon English I can get him hired by 7...I am fairly sure I'm the reason Larry Emdur is now on 7...and the reason David Koch is now the host of everything on 7 - seriously, I think I saw him superimposed on an episode of Home Improvement

Wait and see if Rick Ardon, Monika Kos, and Sasannah Carr get fired...then they really are listening to me...or if I get Prison Break moved to another night...

If they asked me to come up with the idea for the perfect TV show for 7:30 weeknights I know exactly what it would be. The David Koch and Lee Lin Chin Variety hour...you know you'd watch it at least once...
Or David Koch and Lee Lin Chin in a reformatted Flying Doctors, or A Country Practice/Wanden Valley spin-off...Or David Koch plays Ally McBeal

...remember Ally McBeal...haha...that was so shit.

Haha Matt Newton is in this list! He is getting a 7 for "A favourite I really like him/her & always try to watch him/her" based purely on his dad.

Sally from Home & Away porn...What the fuck?

Wed, 22 Feb 2006 03:53:05 GMT

I have NEVER heard of this before...

http://drivelwarehouse.com/tsp2/?p=2760

Look! (But don't if you are at work) http://exposed.paparazzifilth.com and http://www.robbscelebs.org/kate_richie/mp_kate_richie.html

I can't believe I never knew this...y'know I feel a bit better about the world...

Wed, 22 Feb 2006 01:09:09 GMT

I went to get the paper this morning. I wasn't wearing my glasses. I figured I could see well enough to judge cars distance. I stood there at the side of the road for a minute. Until I decided I can't actually judge the distance or speed without my glasses or contacts - in fact there is a good chance one of the cars I was waiting for was a labrador.

I went inside and got my glasses and heard a screech and a crash. When I got back to the road and couldn't see any sign of an accident. I have thus concluded it was a fly screen door several kilometers away and to compensate for my blindness I have developed sonar hearing - similar to a bat, a whale or Daredevil.

Granted having sonar hearing that only applies to fly screen doors is not the most useful power, but I am sure it will be handy when I...uh...become a vigilante cat catcher protecting natural fauna by ensuring screen doors with faulty latch mechanisms are repaired and the cat is contained indoors or in a barlap sack with some heavy stones at the bottom of the river...I'm a dog person.

Wed, 15 Feb 2006 14:43:27 GMT

O nappy day, O nappy day, when Jesus walked (then took a nap) when Jesus walked (then took a nap) A woo woo wooooooo!

This song is in honour of my lethargic actions today resulting in me taking several naps...I may or may not be a cat. Y'know like the highly underrated Guy Pearce/Claudia Karvan comedy Dating the Enemy but I switched body's with a cat...and it is unlikely I will fall in love with cat I have switched bodies with...unlikely though not impossible...

...beer makes Paul need beddy-byes.

WHY!

Mon, 13 Feb 2006 11:50:18 GMT

I can never watch the biggest loser without crying! I try but I can't! IT IS TOO EMOTIONAL!

Hack on Triple J today was very interesting - all about downloading TV shows. This idiot woman called up and said stupid stuff and totally sounded like a stupid. Stupid idiot, she was so stupid.

Stupid.

Yeah...I did just start writing an entry to avoid watching Biggest loser...yes, because I will cry...

Fri, 10 Feb 2006 01:48:25 GMT

I ended up watching question time last night. They really shouldn't put it on so late for two reasons.
1. It is great and 2. I get all riled up and can't go to sleep after it.

I do have a couple of questions myself though...why does Peter Costello have to be in shot everytime? I mean that isn't pleasant. He sits there and doesn't pay attention just cleaning dust off his suit, then other times her looks like he is just pushing out a turd. Seriously, I assumed they put in a constantly flowing turd trough because of the faces he was pulling...you know some sort of mechanism to clear away the seemingly constantly amounting shit...was that not subtle?

Although I do like it when John Howard is on the perfect angle and they look like an ABBA video clip.

On the other hand I think it is Kate Ellis you can always see during the shots of the ALP..really, whose face would you rather look at?
http://www.alp.org.au/people/sa/ellis_kate.php - I went through and looked at all the female members to find her, they didn't have a search by attractivness feature on the website...

While I am on the subject here is my theory on how the ALP can win the next election: They need to start being marketed like the Xmen or the Spice Girls, think of Kim Beazely as the Cyclops or Scary Spice - there ins't anything wrong with them but they're just not everybody's cup of tea, some people may prefer Ginger spice (ie Julia Gillard) or Posh Spice (Kevin Rudd).
They need to pull more poses as a team when leaving parliment, and driving around in a double decker bus with the Australian flag on it wouldn't hurt either.
Maybe release a couple of rewitten tracks if they decide to go the whole hog - Wannabe dedicated to Peter Costello, 2 become 1 dedicated to the coalition and so on.

PS - Bronwyn Biship looked like Emperor Palpatine.

That's all and I'm late now.

Y'know I'm not all that surprised...

Thu, 09 Feb 2006 03:22:45 GMT

On 10th Aug 1985 ...

The Number 1 single was:
Madonna - "Into The Groove"

...http://www.everyhit.com/

Look how many of my birthdays have a British pop act in number one! AND!!! TWO RELATE TO HUGH GRANT MOVIE SOUNDTRACKS!

1985 On your birthdate the No. 1 single was Madonna - "Into The Groove"
1986 On your 1st birthday Chris De Burgh - "The Lady In Red"
1987 On your 2nd birthday Michael Jackson - "I Just Can't Stop Loving You"
1988 On your 3rd birthday Yazz & Plastic Population - "The Only Way Is Up"
1989 On your 4th birthday Jive Bunny - "Swing The Mood"
1990 On your 5th birthday Partners In Kryme - "Turtle Power"
1991 On your 6th birthday Bryan Adams - "(Everything I Do) I Do It For You"
1992 On your 7th birthday Snap - "Rhythm Is A Dancer"
1993 On your 8th birthday Freddie Mercury - "Living On My Own"
1994 On your 9th birthday Wet Wet Wet - "Love Is All Around"
1995 On your 10th birthday Take That - "Never Forget"
1996 On your 11th birthday Spice Girls - "Wannabe"
1997 On your 12th birthday Will Smith - "Men In Black"
1998 On your 13th birthday Boyzone - "No Matter What"
1999 On your 14th birthday Ronan Keating - "When You Say Nothing At All"
2000 On your 15th birthday Robbie Williams - "Rock DJ"
2001 On your 16th birthday Atomic Kitten - "Eternal Flame"
2002 On your 17th birthday Darius - "Colourblind"
2003 On your 18th birthday Blu Cantrell featuring Sean Paul - "Breathe"
2004 On your 19th birthday Busted - "Thunderbirds / 3AM"
2005 On your 20th birthday James Blunt - "You're Beautiful"

Sat, 04 Feb 2006 03:37:40 GMT

Best. Degrassi. Ever.

I laughed, I cried, I even almost said 'Oh no, she dih'nt.'

...okay no that didn't happen.

Right.

Sat, 04 Feb 2006 03:10:18 GMT

This morning was shit. I woke up at four. I either woke up because I could feel a spider walking and then woke and saw it. Or I dreamed it woke up and think I saw it. I don't know. Either way I ended up alternating between drinking orange juice and tea. I spent yesterday evening killing spiders. Hence the dream and/or the retaliatory attack by the spiders.

There was an competition ad on Video Hits (I was flicking I don't make a habit of watching Axle Fuckhead.) Anyway, the competition was to co-host a show with Fuckhead and you have to send in a 2 minute video telling them why you should co-host or whatever. Anyway, is it wrong if I send in a video saying 'I should co-host because Axle is a fucking cock and the worst person on television.' He never researches anything before he interviews people! Like when he was talking about Arctic Monkeys with Franz Ferdinand today he just knew nothing! NOTHING! He always asks bands about other bands! I would be insulted if someone did that so much in one interview.

Anyway it cements him at second on my list of five celebrities I am allowed to beat the shit out of and no one is allowed to get angry about, as I am merely a tool of Justice!...or at very least a tool.
1. Tom Cruise
2. Axle Whitehead
3. Paris Hilton
4. Joanna Griggs
5. Andrew O'Keefe

Reasons:
1. "There is no such thing as a chemical imbalance"
2. Crimes against art and culture.
3. Being Queen of the Whores
4. Most Recently: Failing to fill Noni's shoes, more so Beauties and the Beast or whatever that was called and the Olympics and her horse face.
5. Being "joyful".

Okay 4 and 5 aren't really 'Beat the shit out of' worthy, it would really be more of a pimp-esque slap around until they 'Straighten up and fly right' by which I mean they go and work in a coal mine and eventually get black lung.

Anyway, Degrassi is on so I can't do anything apart from watch and enjoy.

Mooby woo woo lala lee dee dee

Fri, 03 Feb 2006 03:22:22 GMT

I slept on the sofa last night...partly because my sheets weren't on my bed and partly because I am a vagrant who will nap most places. I went to my bed at about six-ish but ended up lying on a yoga mat.

Kara says: (10:43:29 AM)
everyone is selling weekends with themselves on ebay

Kara says: (10:43:30 AM)
its weird

Kara says: (10:43:35 AM)
lets sell a day with paul and kara!

Paul says: (10:43:47 AM)
yeah I saw that - nah, people are fags

Kara says: (10:44:00 AM)
i know there is like over 20 of em up on there now

Kara says: (10:44:07 AM)
some are soooooo gay

Kara says: (10:44:17 AM)
"spend a weekend with a fat arty girl!"

Paul says: (10:44:36 AM)
haha I want that one!...or are you talking about me?

I found this delightful:
http://www.mightymcpilgrim.com/films/brokemac/

And Beck introduced me to these:
http://cheston.com/pbf/archive.html

Re: Brokeback - I won't dwell on it mainly cause everyone else is, but I do feel that I need to say this in defense: I liked the voice Heath Ledger used for Ennis Del Mar. I think it was appropriate for the character, and within the context of the world presented in the film was perfectly fitting. This is one of those non-issues that become issues because people are meatheads. I call precedent on Nicole Kidman's nose in the hours and Charlize Theron's mug in Monster. They should only be talked about if you are happy to be thought of as:
a) pompous
b) a meathead

Or like me a pompous meathead - i suppose.

Oh my god if this broad gets a thousand dollars I am fucking doing this:
http://cgi.ebay.com.au/a-fun-filled-Weekend-with-an-Arty-girl-in-Melbourne_W0QQitemZ6602393263QQcategoryZ3253QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

I am funnier, cuter, and most importantly more modest than her! And she made fun of the bogans in Sydney doing it. I'd never sink so low as to make fun of her...mainly because that bottom picture suggests she works as a town crier and I might be persecuted Ye Olde School style by her and her townsfolk friends...they'd brand me with a scarlet letter 'S'...
...the 'S' is because I am gulty of a good ol' Sassin'

Good morning.

Thu, 02 Feb 2006 01:22:43 GMT

This is a towel...

This is a hollowed out turd made into a shoe.

This is Kirsty locked in the pantry by a static dust mop

I have to call people and get quotes...for like labour...not calling people up so they can spout things like "He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster."
...because that would be strange...

Alright - I'm off to take on the world with my crime fighting side kick

Fri, 27 Jan 2006 07:07:05 GMT

I intend on going here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fucking%2C_Austria

...and also stealing the sign too.

Me smoke heavy t-AH!

Thu, 19 Jan 2006 00:59:04 GMT

Anyway, yeah.

I'm up bright and early, but not early enough to hear Brian Molko on triple J curses! I figure Miff'll repeat it later in the day.

I think the multiple baby red back bites I suffered have given me two things. Some sort of spider induced chronic fatigue sydrome, which is bad. AND! Spider senses, which is good. Its sort of like when things are about to happen I can see they're about to happen before they do...like I know when a fork is about to clatter on the ground. Or I know when someone is about to walk past me...some of you may call it sight - I choose to call it spider senses...

Bah at Uninversity! I was really looking forward to joining an Antartic fishing expedition, or living as a bird in a nest made out of a hammock and my own hair...c'mon you know something random was due to happen in my life there hasn't been anything for a good few months...well not on a large scale.

A WOO WOO!

Tue, 17 Jan 2006 02:10:32 GMT

Thanks to Beck for reminding me!

Here is new Placebo song! Quality is pretty crappy but I don't care!
http://rapidshare.de/files/10895453/A_Songto_Say_Goodbye.mp3.html

Lyrics are a bit too lovey dovey for my liking...

"You are one of god's mistakes
You crying, tragic waste of skin
I'm well aware of how it aches
And you still won't let me in
Now I'm breaking down your door
To try and save your swollen face
Though I don't like you anymore
You lying, trying waste of space"

This is the other one the first single in the UK...i don't love it as much, but I'm sure that is cause the quality is even more craptastic.

http://rapidshare.de/files/10745785/because_i_want_you.mp3.html

My head hurts so much.

Mon, 09 Jan 2006 09:51:18 GMT

It is just a headache but I'm not used to them because of my normally super healthy body kickin ass at all times...yeah, I kick ass.

Today was unproductive.

Thu, 05 Jan 2006 15:50:43 GMT

I woke up early. I made the mistake of not showering immediately and consequently ended up watching The Godfather Parts 1, 2 & 3. I stopped only to do the following:
1. Get my hair done.
2. Order a pizza.
3. Watch Will & Grace.

Why did no one tell me The Godfather was that good? Like I knew it was good but that was great...okay not the third one...the catholicness and the incest just kept making me think of that antichrist movie with Winona Ryder and...umm some guy...I forget who...youngish guy sort of ethnic-ish...or maybe irish-ish...for fun let's just pretend it was Chris Farley and David Spade playing Winona Ryder...in fact lets pretend David Spade played all of Winona Ryders parts...Girl, Interrupted, The Crucible, Reality Bites...shop surveillance footage.

I want a Godfather Part five! (Part Four is Mickey Blue Eyes...Don Hugh "I'm frightfully sorry chap, but I fear I may have to make you an offer you can't refuse - terribly sorry.")

I think I am changing my name to Corleone...I think I can get one out of two siblings to go along with it...and probably my father too...AY! *This is the written equivalent of my impression of my dad*

Sleep time have to do the things I was supposed to do today tomorrow.

The concept of today tomorrow just make me freak out...just a little though...nothing to go all Donnie-"find-it-kinda-funny-find-it-kinda-sad"-Darko about though.

In conclusion, EVERYDAY WHEN I WAKE UP I THANK THE LORD I'M WELSH!...I really do like this Catatonia cd...which I had to buy a copy of because, Kirsty stole Alan's copy and ran to the other side of the world with it before I could steal it when Alan went to a different side of the world...I know how very inconvenient for cd pilfering.

Tue, 27 Dec 2005 05:22:10 GMT

Hurry the fuck up, time.

Every year!

Tue, 20 Dec 2005 06:15:02 GMT

...i did it again...

...every year i think it'll be the last time. I really tried look how close I came! I know, I know I am a failure as a human being and should be where other people are not...

...I can't believe I did it. Have I no shame?! No self respect!? I repulse myself...

...I downloaded Wham! Last Christmas again...

Mon, 19 Dec 2005 14:02:08 GMT

Crap.

I just saw an add for AA and it made me think 'Oh, I could murder a drink right now'

WAIT!

Mon, 19 Dec 2005 08:08:38 GMT

When I was looking for that argument thing look what my Last search turned up in Google Ads!!!

"Vegetarian Singles
Meet Tens of Thousands of
Vegetarian Singles for Love.
www.GreenPersonals.com"

That is the greatest thing I have ever seen! WHO NEEDS THAT!?

WHO!?!

...my drink is so gonna make me rich...yeah okay, I may or may not be liquored up again but it is all in the name of...genius? progress? necessity?...Allah?...I'm inclined to stick with Allah

Mon, 19 Dec 2005 08:03:29 GMT

http://www.vegsource.com/how_to_win.htm

I don't remember who asked for it. In fact there is a good chance no one did and I was drunk/stoned looking at my reflection in a very Michael Jackson Man In The Mirror type way...but just to be on the safe side...

Mon, 19 Dec 2005 04:21:33 GMT

Between Bert's last day Friday and Jerry Maguire being on TV - I was dehydrated from weeping. If they put on Sense and Sensibility as well I would have been little more than a puddle of wept tears and a pile of ash.

Anyway, I invented a drink last night I have to perfect the recipe but it tastes great and gets you smashed really fast! Now to name ideas
A Teabagging Indian (in the Cocksucking Cowboy name area)
Sex with A Minor (Or an R Kelly, or A Gary Glitter - Kind of like a sex on the beach type name)
Arse End Of The World (Like a Manhattan but with an excellent political quote from Paul Keating about our fair sunburnt country - haha will confirming my facts as any good...bored guy with an ibook does, I came across this http://www.convictcreations.com/history/primemine.htm haha I wanna be flogged with a warm lettuce leaf!)

Summer is crap this year it looks and feels like being in an arm pit

Happy Christmas Yoko...

Wed, 14 Dec 2005 10:04:46 GMT

My behaviour has been varied and strange of late.

Here is a list of what I have done:
1. Ate 3 oranges
2. Made betty crocker choc chip cookies
3. Had first drink at 11...20 minutes after waking up...was egg nog with just a little whiskey...so was festive.
4. Sent out more Xmas cards - I know, right? Who knew I liked so many people?
5. Listen to Blinbk 182...I may or may not have been a 15 year old boy for 43 minutes today
6. Had Shaye explain a joke to my meathead self
7. Had several sugar free red bull
8. Spent at least six minutes standing in the wake of an open fridge deciding whether to go and by filo pastry or just make Penne alla Pablo

All in all today was a nice day. On the downside the dishwasher is broken...I've been scrapping the dishes in a noisy manner across the stainless steel ribs to inspire Pappa to get it repaired or buy a new one but I think he has just been inspired to buy a wash board and soap made out of lamb fat and do everything the old fashioned way. He'll probably have me make a coolgardie safe sometime this evening...

...that insane train of thought reminds me - I am very pleased at the confusion and outrage my Xmas cards are causing when seen or opened by parents or family members who do not know me.

Okay I need to go tinkle.